New Years Resolutions For Pets

12. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

11. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

9. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

8. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids!

5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

3. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND
2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

1. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.