Most Romantic Montana Vacations According To Ranking

It's Valentine's Day this week. It's America's favorite fabricated holiday to trick you into spending money to convince your significant other that you're still into them.

Sorry, don't mind me. I'm single on Valentine's Day this year so I've entered full-blown curmudgeon mode.

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Montana's best romantic getaways

USA Today published an article highlighting the "Most romantic Montana vacations." The ideas are pretty run-of-the-mill, so I came up with some newer, fresher ideas for you Montanans who are tired of the regular romantic vacation ideas.

USA Today: Check out one of the big parks

Ace: Check out Caras Park

It's too far to drive to all those big parks, so how about we drive downtown Missoula and hang out at Caras Park instead? I'll even let you pay for me to ride the carousel.

Image courtesy of Carousel for Missoula

USA Today: Hit the hot springs

Ace: Take a bath

It's getting hot in here! You don't want to visit a hot springs. There are too many people. Instead, you and the lady can warm up the tub and cram yourselves into the bathtub that barely fits one person. Maybe if you're lucky you'll see your dog's hair from that bath you gave him last week.

Real romantic.

Just make sure you keep your clothes on and have some room for Jesus.

USA Today: Take a scenic train ride

Ace: Stay at home and watch Bullet Train

You've already seen the land, why bother seeing it on a train? Instead, stay at home and rent Bullet Train starring Brad Pitt. There are all sorts of murder and adult themes that are PERFECT for Valentine's Day.

Credit: Columbia Pictures

USA Today: Cozy up in the winter wonderland (stay at a ski resort)

Ace: Stay away from me because when we "cozy up" I get too hot and sweaty and then it's uncomfortable

Do I need to explain myself any further? I'm down to cuddle, but the second I want to go to bed you need to find yourself to the other side of the bed.

Ok, so I'm not the most romantic person if my idea of a good date includes pushing me on a carousel, watching Bullet Train and leaving me alone when we go to bed.

Note: Heavy sarcasm is detected throughout the article.

25 Retired Candy Heart Sayings That Won't See Another Valentine's Day

Candy hearts are a Valentine's Day tradition. They seem to be in just about every candy aisle in February. But some of their messages haven't always stood the test of time. Here is a look at 25 retired messages you will no longer find on candy hearts.

Gallery Credit: Rob Carroll