The Guy Who Thought He Could Out Alpha A Wolf Pack

If you’ve lived in Montana long enough, you know just how this stuff goes down. Some hotshot from out of state roars into Yellowstone, sniffs some pine air, and thinks they are the lead wolf in the pack. And right on schedule, we have another tourist doing something that makes the rest of us say, 'Yep.' That is a touron.

This new dude just straight walked up to a freaking wolf pack. Not one wolf. Not a lone straggler. A pack. And instead of taking a picture from a hundred yards away like the giant sign says, he has chosen to taunt them.

The whole thing looked to some bystanders who were watching from a safe distance like he was trying to start a fight. Others assumed he must have been feeling a bit buzzed. Either way, he was there, puffing up his chest in front of a pack of predators who massacre elk for fun. I have a wolf tag here in Montana, and I don’t think even I would enter into a wolf pack’s bubble, even with a gun. That is not confidence. That is brain fog with legs.

The Wolf Pack Was Patient

Truth be told, the wolves acted better than most of us might. If somebody walked into my living room to challenge me, I don’t know if I’d be that restrained. Still, these wolves effectively rolled their eyes and leveled him with the classic Yellowstone side eye, maybe asking themselves if humans are always this stupid or if they somehow get extra spicy on vacation.

Tourons Are What Keeps Everyone Else Entertained

We’ve all seen the bison selfie crowd, the elk petters, and the people who believe a grizzly is a forest puppy. But antagonizing an entire pack of wolves is a new strain of stupid. A part of me thinks the guy deserved a little nip on the butt. Nothing fatal. Just a little note from mother nature. Actions have consequences, and wolves have teeth.