Puns Missoula Will Love

My good friend and coworker Jordan Dawson's last day on the job is today. Jordan is in charge of all our website content and is moving up the corporate ladder to take a similar position in another Townsquare Media market. Among her many fine attributes, Jordan loves puns and is a "lexophile," which is a word used to describe those that have a love for words. So Jordan, these groaners are for you, supplied to me by my pal Bill Schwanke. These are among the winners in an annual lexophile competition. Yes, these are the winners. :-) If I can't get at least a chuckle or rolling of the eyes from the rest of you from one or more of these then I might as well write these with a broken pencil---which is "pointless."

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Police were called to a day care center, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Finally, Jordan, you have a photographic memory which was never developed.