It sounds to me like if a former sweetheart really "bugs" you, you won't be at a loss for a gift! The Name-A-Roach program at the Bronx Zoo in New York is still hissing along entering a fourth successful year. For $10 you can have a Madagascar hissing cockroach (pictured) named after your ex, maybe a mother-in-law, a loved one with a sense of humor...the choice is yours!  Your "special" Valentine gets a colorful certificate showing their namesake. The $10 goes to the Wildlife Conservation Society. Enjoy the website's glamor shot of a roach crawling across rose petals with their clever caption, "Seal it with a hiss" at bronxzoo.com/roach

So join the thousands of helpless romantics who have named a roach. And happy Valentine's Day!  DB